Surviving

Survival



For me, the best thing about writing women's fiction has been having the opportunity to explore what it actually means to be a woman in today's world. We all know that the better romance novels today bear very little resemblance to the romances our mothers read. Over the years, they've evolved from tales of charmingly helpless creatures in constant need of rescue from their handsome heroes to insightful treatments of virtually every aspect of the modern female experience.

And that's what the Everlasting Romances were all about. I say "were," because as some of you may already know, Harlequin's "Everlasting" series is about to be absorbed by the "Superromance" series. I think I'm speaking for most of EL "lovelies" when I say that we’re all hoping the important underlying message of the Everlasting stories won’t be lost in the transition. And from my point of view, at least, that message has been about the astonishing strength and endurance of what I'll call—for lack of a more original term—the "average" woman. There's no such thing, of course, as an average woman. Every woman is unique, but we do share certain characteristics worth discussing, and strength and durability are two of the most obvious.

Years ago, shortly after the birth of my daughter, I read a very short newspaper article about a mother and father who had taken their four children on a beach camping trip. While the parents were some distance away, unpacking the car, a freak wave swept away all of their children. I never found out what happened to these stricken parents—how, or even if they were able to survive such a horrifying loss.

Since then, I've known another couple who witnessed, and endured, the slaughter of all five of their young children at the hands of the Nazis. A wonderfully loving, generous couple who somehow managed to survive the horror and turn unspeakable anguish into good by helping others. Such astonishing courage, while admirable, is almost impossible for most of us to comprehend.

How do they do it? We've all heard about marriages that fall apart under stress. What is it about some relationships that enable them to survive, while others fail? People fall in love every day. They get married, have children, buy homes, mow lawns, and go to PTA meetings. And more than half of these marriages eventually collapse.

Several Lovelies have already addressed, in this blog, what makes a relationship last. Maybe it doesn't matter. To paraphrase the plaintive inquiry of one female character in Tennessee Williams' "Night of the Iguana," why is it that the test of everything has to be its durability? Most of us can appreciate and maybe even experienced the kind of romantic episode that lights up the sky like a shooting star. Sparks fly, fireworks light up the night sky, and then it's over. The effervescent bubbles in the champagne go flat, but we're left with a lovely memory. If we're absolutely honest with ourselves, those short-term "flights to the moon on gossamer wings" are probably a lot more fun that the long-term kind. No strings, no long-term commitments, no mortgages, no kids—just momentary pleasure. Let's face it. Waking up with the same person every day for forty or fifty years can get pretty old—through good times and bad, in sickness and health and all that fal-da-ral. Ugh! To quote the always wise Dorothy Parker:

"Drink and dance and laugh and lie,
Love, the reeling midnight through.
For tomorrow we shall die!
(But, alas, we never do.)"

Many thoughtful people have pointed out, in one way or another, that whatever can't be avoided must be endured—and survived. It sounds so simple and logical, right? But the fact is that many couples don't survive what happens to them. And while I don’t want to minimize the man's part in surviving crisis, my experience indicates that the "lionesss' share" of the credit usually goes to the woman. One of the best and most reliable things about women is that ability to survive—an inherent ability probably instilled in our makeup by countless generations of child rearing. No mother can afford to die or give up when she has young to feed and protect. But I think the will to survive and endure goes beyond that. Someone (and once again, I don’t know who it was) once said that women are the "glue" that holds society together.

Everyone who wants to understand what makes women "tick" should rent "La Ciociara" ("Two Women",) that stunning Sophia Loren film of the early sixties about a courageous Italian woman who survives the devastation of WWII by sheer strength of will. Cicera (the mother) and her thirteen-year-old daughter escape their bomb-ravaged village destitute, only to be brutally raped on the road by a contingent of allied soldiers. The horrific experience embitters the girl and nearly destroys the grief-stricken mother when she is unable to protect her only child from the attack and its emotional consequences.

Well, it seems I've babbled on for a very long time, and probably overmade my point, but the message is still worth repeating. Women are the glue that holds everything together, and stories about women who do just that are what the Everlasting Love series will always be about—whatever our books are called. Please read them, and share the joy of love that lasts through time.

Judith Raxten- "The Secret Dreams of Emily Porter."