I'm thinking about my grandchildren today as I do every day. All three live over a thousand miles away from me in two different states. And I worry that they won’t know me. That they won’t know their grandpa either. My husband and I sometimes feel like jet-setters flying to each son’s house twice a year. If we’re lucky, we might even meet up for a third time somehow. But, in fact, my four-and-a-half-year-old granddaughter has seen us no more than ten times - and that counts when she was born! It’s not enough. It’s not how I imagined my life as a grandma.
I’d dreamed of Sunday afternoon dinners at my house. I dreamed of cuddling on the couch and reading stories together or going to the park together. I dreamed of spur-of-the-moment times when we could whip up some chocolate pudding in my kitchen. I dreamed of riding bikes with them and watching their soccer games on a Tuesday evening. I want to cuddle the new baby all the time.
I know I’m not the only grandma who loves from afar. Or who orders pictures over the Internet as soon as my daughters-in-law post new ones to my InBox. Or who's covered her refrigerator from corner to corner with photos of the kids.
In today’s world, families go where the jobs are. My husband and I did that, ourselves, and wound up in Texas a dozen years ago. I understand about earning a living. I understand about supporting a family. But it doesn’t mean I have to like the fallout. In fact, it’s breaking my heart.
So, I’m retiring from my day job and buying a laptop computer to write my stories when Grandpa and I visit the kids next year. We’ll stay for a week instead of a weekend. I know the visits will provide more time and opportunity for shared activities which, in turn, build memories. And the best part? My wonderful daughters-in-law are waiting with open arms. I think they can’t wait for me to cook!
Hugs to grandmas and grandpas everywhere whether your little ones are next door or across the country.
Linda, who's jet-setting with Grandpa again this weekend...and next!
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6 comments:
Hi, Linda,
Hurray for you! The next step is to move a little closer and cement that precious connection. Of course, with two kids in two different places, that's hard. My husband and I were in exactly the opposite situation. since MY fifteen year old daughter sort of put the cart in front of the horse and got pregnant in high school. It was a difficult and emotional time, and far from perfect (As any mother of a teenaged girl/new mother will tell you) but as a consequence, our granddaughter spent her first several years in our home. Until my daughter finished college and found a place of her own, she and our granddaughter lived with us, and we wouldn't give up a moment of those years. (Well, maybe a FEW moments, here and there!) It was neither an ideal arrangement nor one I would recommend to others, but it made our grandkid a real, lasting part of our lives.
Later, when my daughter married and began to move around, it was harder, but the grandkid always stayed in touch, wherever they landed. I know you can't follow your kids around their whole lives, and a psycholigist would probably say that it's not even healthy, but that close family connection is hard to keep alive in today's world, where people regularly move thousands of miles away...but it's worth it. Of course, it meant extra laundry and two year old temper tantrums and orthodontist bills and the fights over homework, but what the heck, I also got the chocolate pudding!
Judy Raxten
Linda,
I so hear you, and identify with your angst. We have one daughter & family in Washington State and another with her family in Michigan. We try to visit both twice a year, but that's so hard. And our grands are growing up (without us) Yesterday we received pictures of our oldest granddaughter who is graduating this year. Her pictures looked so much like her mother at the same age I cried for the fact she's gotten to be such a beautiful young lady sometime when we weren't looking. We live in AZ, because it is markedly better for my arthritis. In either WA or MI where the rain and cold weather abound was getting so hard on me. So it's a trade off. They are definitely where they are for jobs. I try to keep in touch via phone and email. But it just isn't the same as having them over for dinner and teaching the girls to sew and do crafts, and listen to them read the books I buy them by the score.
Roz
Linda,
Your post made me cry. My wonderful sister moved to our small upstate NY town last year because she wanted her son to grow up with his cousins. Our lives have been changed and enormously enriched by this generous decision. She was able to get a job, but she commutes 45 minutes each way so she can live in our neighborhood. Her hubby, luckily, telecommutes to his job.
I send my kids for a week with their grandparents every summer. We're lucky enough to be only 2 hours away. I always spent part of the summer with my Nanny or some cousins who lived near her. Those are the times that cemented my relationship with her (and with my cousins).
Best of luck in your retirement and your quest for closeness. You are so clear about what's important--that's beautiful to read.
Peace,
Ellen
Nice blog. One set of my grandparents lived close----through a neighbor's backyard and then across a street. My other grandmother (widowed when I was 3) lived far away---in Bermuda and Massachusetts while I grew up in NC. Now all my grandparents are deceased.
Nevertheless, I was closer to my grandparents in my heart, even the far-away one, then and even today, through their stories, their love and their lives, they are alive in a way, within me. so much of who I am and what I do comes from them in some ways even more than my own parents---especially the avid reader part.
One of the unique things I find about the Everlasting Love stories is that, in this hectic world of fractured families and moves and changes, Everlasting Love puts me back in touch with my past and something deep within me. Everlasting Love is more than a romance between a hero and heroine...it is the romance of a family that spreads out through generations. In terms of grandparents, there can be some important connections that remain no matter the time or distance.
I lived close to one set of grandparents for only a few years and after that, we lived many miles away due to my dad's job. But we stayed close, writing letters, sending packages. And we did visit at least once every year.
Now, we're doing the same thing with our boys and their only set of grandparents-- sending pictures, emailing, using the cell phone. Before my mom passed away, talking to her each day was a condition of our older son having a cell phone. Lots and lots of bonding went on. And he's apt to just pick up the phone and call his other grandparents to visit and see how they are.
I know it's not the same as being there and holding them but we did all that we could to keep the connection strong. Grandpa even helped with a science fair project over the phone.
All your comments are quite moving. I guess we each have our own memories of how important our grandparents were to us whether near or far. I'm back from Florida and had the best time. To my great relief, Lizzy really does know who we are :) We visited her pre-school, went to the park, played miniature golf and best of all, went to Borders and bought lots of books...and read them. Let's say she felt comfortable enough to tease us with "no kisses, no kisses." So, Grandpa and I grinned like two jack-o-lanterns all the way home.
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