I’m fascinated by what makes love last. What is the glue that binds two people together? They may be separated by great distance and long, empty periods without one another, such as the lovers Marielle and Tomas in my upcoming novella in THE VALENTINE GIFT (February 2008), who are kept apart by the realities of the Cold War and their own sense of duty. Or they may be a couple who have weathered the compromises and challenges of decades spent together, yet still nurture and sustain the spark that initially brought them together.
Sometimes it’s the BIG IDEA that has a profound effect on a couple—a shared loss, forgiveness offered and accepted, or the stunning realization that one has found one’s soulmate. But just as often, it is the accumulation of small gestures and moments of tenderness and humor that weave strength into a long-term relationship. When I was growing up, I witnessed such gestures between my parents. I can still see my mother in the kitchen every evening preparing dinner—frying meatballs or stirring a pot of Neapolitan “gravy” (what the rest of the world calls “tomato sauce”). When my father arrived home from work he headed straight for the kitchen and took her in his arms for a passionate kiss. Every time they exchanged gifts on birthdays and anniversaries, they signed their cards to one another with the initials “ILYWAMH” (I love you with all my heart). If I’m remembering correctly, I believe my mother slipped a card into my father’s casket with those code letters.
In my own marriage (heading toward its 25th anniversary), my husband and I never part or return to one another without a kiss—whether we are leaving for work in the morning, taking off for a business trip or simply going outside to weed the garden. Those kisses punctuate our day with tiny moments of connection. When we’re apart, but at our computers, we send each other brief notes—sometimes just a phrase remembering something funny from the morning that only the two of us can appreciate. And we put into practice Leonardo DiCaprio’s line as Arnie Grape from the movie What’s Eating Gilbert Grape—Say “thank you,” Gilbert. “Thank you.”
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3 comments:
If you keep up those little gestures of affection, Linda, one day you'll hit the forty year mark like my dh and I. Honestly, it seems like just yesterday that I walked down the aisle. But if it was, then those grandchildren of mine must be a figment of my imagination. Hmm...no figment. It's been 40 years and going strong.
Linda B.
Linda, you must have been a child bride to be married 40 years! Thanks for the confirmation that it is these small gestures that build a lasting love. I've been writing today, deep into my third EL, and I am certainly drawing upon what I witnessed in my parents' marriage and live in my own to weave this story.
Linda C.
Wonderful blog. It is that idea that makes the Everlasting Loves such a wonderful read. They are wonderful love stories but they also open up for me the small moments of life that are incredible and romantic. I read many genres but whenever I read an Everlasting Love, I have a greater appreciation of my own life and the lives lived my members of my family. It's only been 7 years for me. I met my dh late in life. We met in a crazy fun way, on the air through ham radio, NC to CO, but the little moments of our daily life are the deepest.
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